curhatnya × music monthly • hari kedua di tahun 2018

Gue rasa, gue ini lebih bodoh daripada keledai.

Atau mungkin ini cuma drama awal tahun yang nggak begitu penting tapi dibesar-besarkan atas dasar supaya 2018 punya rasa saja. Nggak penting untuk diomongin juga, but I just want to throw the statement out there to let it sink into my mind. Kenapa ya, ganti tahun tidak terasa bedanya? Sama seperti ketika gue ulang tahun satu setengah bulan yang lalu. Gue masih bodoh dan bercokol di masalah yang sama seperti ketika sedang menjalani tugas akhir. Masih harus tertawa hambar diantara lelucuan yang tidak lucu. Masih harus menjadi gumpalan atom bersama ibu-ibu kereta. Masih mencari bahagia dalam melankoli yang berlarut-larut.

Tapi sebenarnya apa sih yang gue harapkan?

Mungkin gue berharap tiba-tiba gue bangun dari tidur delapan jam yang nyenyak dan gue tahu apa yang gue mau dari hidup gue. Kerja di agensi above the line? Bikin feature film pertama gue? Fasih bahasa roh? Menemukan obat untuk kanker? Ikut misi ekspedisi ke Mars? Punya kekuatan teleportasi?

Entahlah. 

Ngomong-ngomong, sureal juga ya rasanya nggak harus pergi ke kampus, masuk kelas, dan mengedukasi diri mengenai perfilman. Gue cukup rindu dengan atmosfir produktif yang gue lalui sepanjang empat tahun perguruan strata satu, dari begadang untuk mendadak membersihkan kamar kos karena tidak bisa tidur dan nonton film tengah malam bersama teman-teman, tidur di McDonald's dan Starbucks atas nama bikin tugas, sampai kenal sama mbak-mbak Indomaret dan Alfamart in the neighborhood saking seringnya datang untuk emergency snack run.

Kangen deh jadi warga Scientia. Tapi gue sekarang Orange Garden.

:-(

Ngomong-ngomong lagi, ternyata gue adalah pembohong karena pas bulan September 2017 gue bilang gue akan cerita tentang "my well-deserved holiday that I did my waiting for four years for" terus sudah Januari 2018 dan belum gue tulis juga. Mungkin di postingan setelah yang ini. Plis tungguin ya! Sebab gue senang sekali bisa pergi liburan dan kalian harus ikut bahagia sama gue.

Tapi untuk sekarang gue akan bikin daftar musik bulanan (yang juga dari judulnya saja artinya gue bohong juga karena sudah nggak gue update dari September 2017 juga) yang akan bertemakan Tahun Baru sebab gue ternyata seklise itu:

1. Dog Days Are Over • Florence + the Machine

2. Lihatlah Lebih Dekat • Jakarta Movement of Inspiration (OST. Petualangan Sherina)

3. Staying Alive • Bee Gees

4. Sober (맨정신) • BIGBANG

5. I Wanna Get Better • Bleachers
6. Young Volcanoes • Fall Out Boy
7. Blue Skies • Jamiroquai
8. Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 • John Mayer
9. Homesick • Peniel & Kairos
10. Matahari Pagi • Banda Neira

Sebagai positive vibes untuk menyambut kalender dan agenda yang baru. Untuk tahun ini pun, mari mencari kebahagiaan dan menebar kebaikan.

With love,

your foreign storyteller.

uni-verse × music monthly • you got me feeling like a papillon

I am still alive!

A lot of things happened since my last post in January. I sort of aced (and probably also assed) my thesis defense. I fidgeted and smiled a lot, answered the questions like one of my professors taught (word by word quotation translated into English: "That's a very interesting question, but..."), and cried a little because I had a feelings vomit right after I stepped out of the door. Well, a short awkward waiting minutes later, the professors declared that I made it. I officially survived the biggest turbulence of my filmmaking career in undergraduate school setting.

And here's few obligatory after-thesis-defense pictures:

(This is a screenshot from my Instagram page so please pardon the awkward cropping.)

What comes after is a whirlwind of minor revisions, going around hunting for the professors' signatures of approval for my thesis, and finally, finally submitting the bound hard cover copy of that seventy something papers to uni administration. All that while simultaneously trying to score an internship somewhere.

Internship was fun!

The people are very, very nice. What was not nice, however, is the golden hours of commuting back and forth from the big mother city (hehe, this is what my friends and I used to call Jakarta) to the tiny humble suburb I grew up in. I cannot emphasize just how brutal it was, hahaha. I got lots of boobs in my face situation when I am sitting and limbs (mine) to boobs (some random short in height mbak-mbak) contact when I am standing. Sometimes I can't feel the ground and resigned to just floating around with the masses like one giant big blob of atoms.

It was nicer at night, since the people ain't too tight. I guess the crowd went home earlier than I did?

Long story short, I did my internship, curated and salvaged some random most often times chronological plus several crappy footages and made few videos I proudly dubbed my babies. In between, I also got some kind of pneumonia and appendicitis warning. I got away pretty much unscathed, tho.

This is the office I spent my three months in. I love the windows, the view was pretty great! Some might say it's a premium ~river view~ but well, you know how crappy Jakarta's rivers are. The sunsets are quite golden, tho. I am very thankful to everyone in this small company for having me and letting me messes around with their travel footages and website's narratives. Although we have some Monster problem that has yet to be solved, according to my supervisor. I guess it's an old building so they got pests; a hoard of jelly beans loving pests. Huh.

[Side note - PROMO CORNER] Do check out my #InternLife babies here: Featuring: Kostuba Travel ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू｡•ω•｡)

With my Final Project and Internship checked, I am finally (unofficially) done with my undergraduate gig! So now I am just being a dormant soul waiting for my official graduation certificate and ceremony like Rapunzel in her tower waiting for her life to begin. So, I guess what's next up in life is getting a proper job and all those adulthood things.

But! Before! That! I finally got a chance to go on legit holiday! (≧▽≦)

So the next time I write here, it'll most likely be about what I think is a well-deserved trip. I did my waiting!

Only four years of it, tho, with random day outs in between. Like that one time we went to the beach for final exam photoshoot, or a week in the middle of inhabited island shooting a short film, or hiking in the dark for yet to be used footages of fogs and sunrise, and let's not forget about planting some mangroves in an island far far away. Not that they weren't fun, it's just. I need a proper slow life time. Hehe.

So, I guess I'll wrap this post up with my monthly playlist (which I neglected for half a year, I'm sorry!):

1. 내일, 오늘 (Tomorrow, Today) • JJ Project

2. 1-800-273-8255 • Logic, Alessia Cara, Khalid 

3.  Thunder • Imagine Dragon
4. Well Done Again My Friend • DAY6 (OKDAL English Cover)
5. How Far I'll Go • Auli'i Cravalho (from Disney's Moana)
6. Papillon • Jackson Wang
7. No Way • YUGYEOM ft. G2 (Prod. Effn)
8. Carry On Wayward Son • Kansas
9. Kids • Two Door Cinema Club
10. IMMATURE • WINNER

I guess this pretty much sum up my concerns for the future to come and some reassurance and power songs to go through it. Hehe. Well, I am sorry in advance but there's various forms of GOT7 in that list (although none of them are as a whole group) because I enjoy their solos/unit a lot too. And it's quite a short list with 50:50 K-songs and Western because I think I either: 1) Listen to too much royalty free songs of various genres for videos during my internship that I lost my groove or 2) Marathoning too much videos on the internet that consisted too much of people talking so music is kinda secondary? IDK.

---
(Title taken from Jackson Wang's Papillon)

music monthly • look alive, sunshine!

New Year, New Me! Or, whatever.

I started the year feeling very lethargic, I don't even know what to do with myself. It doesn't make sense; I'm supposed to be a little bit happy and very nervous. The professors at school are currently deciding whether my group's final project and our thesis are acceptable for defense sessions. But like, I'm just so done because we basically spent last year working on our project and it's very tiring that I want to take a very long vacation as a retaliation.

But of course I wish really hard that our project that we spent so long doing (which includes early morning hiking, paranormal activities, loads of Chinatown visitations, countless meetings in the cramped space called our Producer's dorm room, and everything else) passed the judgement day so we can have our thesis defenses.

Feeling down makes me listen to a lot of songs in hope that it will heal me or cheer me up. Most of time, I ended up skipping everything until I find one that I can repeat endlessly. Overtime, I collected a playlist of "healing songs" - today I shall share them with you guys:

1. Utopian Dream • Pure Saturday

2. Pangeran Kesepian • Sweta Kartika

3. Na Na Na • My Chemical Romance

4. Adelaide Sky • Adithia Sofyan

5. 우산 (Umbrella) • EPIK HIGH

6. 컬러링 (COLOR RING) • WINNER
7. Sempurna • Andra and The Backbone
8. Anugerah Terindah Yang Pernah Kumiliki (+ Itu Aku) • Sheila on 7
9. The Hell Song • SUM41
10. Sahabat Kecil • Ipang Lazuardi
11. My Favorite Things • The Sound of Music
12. Numb • Linkin Park
13. Light It Up • OneRepublic
14. Starlight • Muse
15. How To Save A Life • The Fray
16. By My Side • David Choi

OK, maybe for something healing, several songs ended up being slightly hard. Aha. Sometimes we just need something we can shout along to, right? Or at least groove or bop with. I believe that it's the best way to release some repressed feelings. Hehe. <3

Anyway, I featured some Indonesian musicians in this list. Listening to the familiar language soothes me in a way. Nowadays, I can almost hold a proper convo in English without breaking a sweat; but the tongue I used ever since I'm able to talk will forever be dear to me. It is nice to listen to my mother language when I'm sad, because it invokes feelings prominently.

(Although I still can't speak it in casual setting without feeling awkward sometimes.)

I've been a fan of Sheila on 7 for the longest time; at least since I'm old enough to understand "grown-up" songs - so, late elementary school maybe? The band is very nostalgic to me because I used to cover their songs with my friends, and just randomly have sing-off sessions everywhere with everyone using their songs. It's very hard to decide which of their song that I want to feature in this list, actually :(

Okay I should stop before I babble too much. I hope that you can find that these songs are healing for you too. For this year, let's keep fighting! ۹(ÒہÓ)۶

• • •

(Title taken from the intro of Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance.)

music monthly • we’re all like children, blaming others for our pain

I'll turn 22 in less than a week. How daunting. I am childish arsehole still, that I can admit. How to adult, really? Physically, I can feel the old vibe creeping in, but mentally, I think I haven't grow any older since, like, proli, sixteen. Ugh. I don't want to be dubbed irresponsible forever. But for now, I'll just enjoy being not old. Because next year I'll graduate from uni, and it means that I have to be a proper adult.

Anyway. Enough of my unrelated rants, here's this month's music recommendation.

1. Ke Entah Berantah • Banda Neira

2. Shelter • Porter Robinson × Madeon

3. Make It Rain • Block B's BASTARZ

4. Jangan Takut Gelap • Tasya × Akhdiyat Duta Modjo

5. I'll Be Your Man • BTOB

6. Look Away • Crissi Cochrane

7. Uptown Angel • Olivia Grace

8. For The Rest of My Life • Third Day

9. Wasting Time • Day Wave

10. First World Problem • Unknown Mortal Orchestra

11. Bandaids, Pt. 2 • Common Souls 

12. Far Away • isle&fever

13. Tell Me What To Do • SHINee

And this list is made just because. Kbye.

• • •

(Title taken from Stupid Liar by BIGBANG.)

music monthly • it's been a hell of a week

No one ever told me that my last year of college will be this shitty. I mean, I am basically half-unemployed half-student, I spent a lot of hours doing unimportant things, and I can't even muster any diligence to do my final report until the very last minute. Not as bad as I was in like, sophomore year, no. This paper is actually the most important shit I gotta do in college so I'm not going to risk it like I risked every other subjects in the past three years of my uni gig. I wouldn't put my graduation in jeopardy, would I? Of course not. Absolutely.

Anyway, here's a playlist that basically sums up how I feel about senior year:

1. 하드캐리 (Hard Carry) • GOT7

2. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards • Tame Impala

3. Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 • John Mayer

4.  Victorious • Panic! At The Disco 

5. Blood • DAY6

6. Run Away • Royal Pirates

7. Night People • You Me At Six

8. Vagabond • Grizfolk

9. I Just Can't Wait To Be King • Lion King

10. I Will Follow You Into The Dark • Death Cab For Cutie

My K-Pop obsession continues with GOT7's newest album, Flight Log: Turbulence. Hard Carry is their title track, and I've been listening to it a lot for moral support through the making of my research paper. The entire album is great, tbh. DAY6 and Royal Pirates are also from the Hallyu realm. Both are rock bands and THEIR SONGS ARE SO GOOD DAYUM.

I Just Can't Wait To Be King is like a legit example of the convos between me and my professor about my paper. Aha. Most of these songs have hella relatable lyrics so I've been jamming and singing along to them to release some stress. Healthy mind is mandatory to face your last year of undergraduate program, after all. Senior year is hard :(

• • •

(Title taken from Night People by You Me At Six.)

music monthly • hajimemashite, ni hao, bonjour!

A playlist of songs I listen to a lot (and caught myself humming absent-mindedly to) from the first-half of September 2016. The list will most likely consisted of a few new and old k-pop/k-hiphop jams, some throwbacks melodies, even numbers from typical top 50 worldwide chart songs. idk. I've been in a lot of hazy days as of late, so everything's all jumbled up.

（‐＾▽＾‐）(๑´ω`๑)

1. 몸 (Body) • MINO of WINNER

2. We Don't Talk Anymore • Charlie Puth × Selena Gomez

3. WHISTLE • BLACKPINK

4. Is that ramyeon? • AKMU (Akdong Musician)

5. Lagu Untuk Rani • Sweta Kartika

6. Baloney Speaker (tawagoto speaker) • sasanomaly

7. Corona • PUNCHNELLO × Crush

8. Selamat Pagi, Malam • Agustin Oendari

9. 누굴 위한 노래인가요 • SOUTH_CLUB (Nam Taehyun)
10. FULL HOUSE • MOBB (Mino × Bobby)
11. Jet Lag • Simple Plan × Marie-Mai

12. Scene Five - With Ears To See and Eyes To Hear • Sleeping With Sirens
13. I'm Not Your Toy • La Roux
14. Rahasia Hati • NIDJI
15. Heart's a Legend • Zoo Brazil × Philip
16. Hujan di Mimpi • Banda Neira

I've been obsessing over 몸 ever since YG released it because it's just THAT good. I especially like when Mino sang the line "Talkin’ about your 머리부터 발끝까지 OH // I’m talkin’ about your 몸 // Talkin’ about your everything // 근데 넌 어딨어?" idk why ugh just. His voice is so pretty. (灬º 艸º灬)

As you may see, there are several songs titled in Bahasa Indonesia. Yes, the songs are from Indonesia and the lyrics are in Bahasa. Those songs are songs that I held quite dear in my heart. Please give them some love! Teehee. Also, the M/V for Baloney Speaker is very eye-catching and cute and overall good-looking. Do you know that sasanomaly also released the song in different languages? All of them sound beautiful!

•  •  •

(Title taken from FULL HOUSE by MOBB.)

Dear You

* * *

I often indulge in my split-second stupidity, but this is by far the most impulsive love declaration I ever did, except for when I kissed your cheek, once upon a time. It's like being sent back in time, composing a mixtape to woo someone. I ended up handpicking everything instead of cramming every cheesy love songs I could think of. I don't even know if you'll like it. You said you like indie, so I slipped one or two in the mix. Oh yeah, I can't help the Harry Potter reference; I know you might think that I'm a major nerd right now. I could ramble on and be the pointless little shit my friends often accuse of me, but I have a feeling that I'll say something even more stupid if I do, so, I'll leave you to it.

Here goes nothing;

Boom clap, the sound of my heart,

stay for tonight if you want to,

I want to fall in love with the stars in your eyes.

I'll slither up to you, you can be my lion cub,

settle down with me, and I'll be your safety,

we could dance all night if you stay with me.

I know I don't know you but I'd like to skip the small talks and romance, girl

'cause baby, two is better than one.

Yours truly,

S. Antareja.

* * *

Edited Sat, 07/01/17
to replace 8tracks -> Spotify playlist.