music monthly • we’re all like children, blaming others for our pain

I'll turn 22 in less than a week. How daunting. I am childish arsehole still, that I can admit. How to adult, really? Physically, I can feel the old vibe creeping in, but mentally, I think I haven't grow any older since, like, proli, sixteen. Ugh. I don't want to be dubbed irresponsible forever. But for now, I'll just enjoy being not old. Because next year I'll graduate from uni, and it means that I have to be a proper adult.

Anyway. Enough of my unrelated rants, here's this month's music recommendation.

1. Ke Entah Berantah • Banda Neira

2. Shelter • Porter Robinson × Madeon

3. Make It Rain • Block B's BASTARZ

4. Jangan Takut Gelap • Tasya × Akhdiyat Duta Modjo

5. I'll Be Your Man • BTOB

6. Look Away • Crissi Cochrane

7. Uptown Angel • Olivia Grace

8. For The Rest of My Life • Third Day

9. Wasting Time • Day Wave

10. First World Problem • Unknown Mortal Orchestra

11. Bandaids, Pt. 2 • Common Souls 

12. Far Away • isle&fever

13. Tell Me What To Do • SHINee

And this list is made just because. Kbye.

• • •

(Title taken from Stupid Liar by BIGBANG.)

curhatnya • masa depan anti-peluru

Seandainya gue bisa berkata hal yang sama tentang masa depan gue. Betapa menyenangkannya, bukan begitu? Mengetahui bahwa masa depanmu ada di depan sana, aman terjaga sampai waktunya lu untuk mencapainya. Sementara masa depan gue mengalami turbulensi karena taifun halilintar tepat di tengah-tengah Segitiga Bermuda, siap jatuh dan berputar dalam pusaran air tiada akhir hingga tenggelam ke dasar samudera.

Atau mungkin, kata-kata yang lebih tepat digunakan meskipun terdengar jorok: seperti tinja yang sedang di flush dari lubang toilet menuju endapan septic tank.

Wajar nggak sih,

mempertanyakan pilihan hidup lu,

ketika sudah hampir di ujung perjalanan?

Bukan berarti gue nggak suka. Tapi kadang-kadang terbesit sedikit penyesalan. Sedikit. Ketika sedang lelah-lelahnya, dan seluruh dunia terasa tidak kooperatif. Ketika lu harus tersenyum dan tertawa sumbang menanggapi lelucon orang-orang yang lu nggak suka. Ketika lu bertanya-tanya pada diri sendiri, kenapa, kenapa, kenapa.

Kenapa gue tidak cukup pintar untuk memilih pilihan yang benar?

Tapi di lain sisi, gue juga bertanya-tanya kenapa gue menganggap pilihan yang sekarang ini salah. Mungkin karena terlalu banyak tembok yang membatasi keinginan gue. Konflik-konflik kepentingan diantara beberapa kepala, drama-drama internal yang kalau dilihat kembali terasa nggak penting sama sekali.

Ah, norak sekali. Picisan.

Payah amat, sih. Kayaknya hidup jadi kucing seminggu enak juga.

• • •

Foto pertama difoto oleh Evelyn.

Eksperimen warna menggunakan film emulator oleh Jonas Wagner.

Terima kasih, selamat malam!

music monthly • it's been a hell of a week

No one ever told me that my last year of college will be this shitty. I mean, I am basically half-unemployed half-student, I spent a lot of hours doing unimportant things, and I can't even muster any diligence to do my final report until the very last minute. Not as bad as I was in like, sophomore year, no. This paper is actually the most important shit I gotta do in college so I'm not going to risk it like I risked every other subjects in the past three years of my uni gig. I wouldn't put my graduation in jeopardy, would I? Of course not. Absolutely.

Anyway, here's a playlist that basically sums up how I feel about senior year:

1. 하드캐리 (Hard Carry) • GOT7

2. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards • Tame Impala

3. Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 • John Mayer

4.  Victorious • Panic! At The Disco 

5. Blood • DAY6

6. Run Away • Royal Pirates

7. Night People • You Me At Six

8. Vagabond • Grizfolk

9. I Just Can't Wait To Be King • Lion King

10. I Will Follow You Into The Dark • Death Cab For Cutie

My K-Pop obsession continues with GOT7's newest album, Flight Log: Turbulence. Hard Carry is their title track, and I've been listening to it a lot for moral support through the making of my research paper. The entire album is great, tbh. DAY6 and Royal Pirates are also from the Hallyu realm. Both are rock bands and THEIR SONGS ARE SO GOOD DAYUM.

I Just Can't Wait To Be King is like a legit example of the convos between me and my professor about my paper. Aha. Most of these songs have hella relatable lyrics so I've been jamming and singing along to them to release some stress. Healthy mind is mandatory to face your last year of undergraduate program, after all. Senior year is hard :(

• • •

(Title taken from Night People by You Me At Six.)