tulisannya • 001

`Sampai kapan mau begini?`

Dia memandangmu tajam, menghakimi. Matanya—cokelat kacang, identik denganmu—selalu membuatmu merasa naif, merasa transparan, merasa bodoh. Membaca ekspresimu adalah perkara yang mudah baginya. Kerling mata, lengkung bibir, nada suara, menerjemahkannya seperti permainan anak-anak untuknya.

Dia bilang, ekspresi tidak bisa bohong.

Kamu menghela napas, pasrah.

Tatapan matanya melembut, dan dia bertanya pelan:

`Sampai kapan mau sakit sendirian?`

Mungkin kamu dan dia sama-sama lelah dengan waktu-waktu yang hilang karena kamu selalu pura-pura; waktu-waktu yang terbuang dalam hening panjang diantara kamu, dan separuh hatimu. Separuh hatimu yang dia tahu juga sama-sama pura-pura.

Sakit, tapi pura-pura tegar.

Suka, tapi pura-pura benci.

Hanya dia yang tahu, karena kamu dan separuh hatimu tidak mau tahu.

Jadi lah dia hanya bisa melihat kalian berdua saling menyakiti.

.

.

`Jangan sampai dia jadi anugerah terindah yang terlewatkan, bodoh.`

production diary • is this the real life?

Holaaa, I'm back to civilization! But I broke my cellphone so I can only be contacted in that medieval way called Short Message Service. Or you can always call me number but I proli won't answer because I lost all my Contacts and I never answer anonymous number. BTW I'm so glad that I'm still fluent in old school way of texting; old Nokia is so fun to use! (Also, it's so tinyyy!)

Just got back from a mini vacay-job, which was a pretty fun (but hella tiring) time-out from the real world. A tiny island smack dab in the middle of the sea, with a beach so wonky you might casually walk ankle-deep first and plunged all the way into the water next. The sea is very ferocious at night, because we went there on the full moon. The time feels very slow there, it's like we have 48H a day. Except for the ruined fort and a family of Varanus, there's nothing much to see in the island.

On the weekend, a wave of tourists came from the land and I can only look at them strangely; I feel like a local that can't comprehend why tourists want to see this place I live in. (The same feeling I got every time anyone ever went on a vacay to Puncak, Bogor.) Like seriously there's nothing to see. (Although I think some people noticed us there producing a short film and took a picture or three.)

A confession: I spent more time playing on the beach, looking for seashells and crabs, rather than working. (It's not my fault really, I mean, after the set is ready, I'm basically useless there, more or less.) Also, trashing mini-yachts is a fun activity. Restoring it back to its white pristine condition, not so much.

End note: I have lots more appreciation for groundwater now. Bathing with saltwater is bullshit, man.

Title from Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

fotonya • i wanna feel reckless

You gotta admit that leather jacket is the best partner for that badass look many people aims for. Pair that up with comfy v-neck tee, a worn pair of jeans (yasss, that one so worn it feels velvety against your skin!) and suede ankle boots, and you're good to go for a summer-y garden party. Chances are, the weather will be so humid you're practically sweating bullets. But hey, at least you look good!

Pieter Wijaya (A Fashionated Animal) × FTF/Yamadhika

Admittedly, I stole all the details about the fashion article from Pieter's site, because I know jack shit about them. I just add my personal preferences about them, because yes and forever yes, a worn pair of jeans is an underrated nirvana. Your favorite jeans will never go out of style, aha. (Except, like, if it's torn at the crotch or unfixable beyond belief. Because. Nope.)

Cotton On V-neck Tee

Unbranded Leather Jacket

Pull & Bear Ankle Boots

{ Find Pieter here! }
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A repost from a year ago, before the blog went glitchy and everything went wonky.
Read: I accidentally clicked the wrong button and deleted all the pictures.