curhatnya × music monthly • hari kedua di tahun 2018

Gue rasa, gue ini lebih bodoh daripada keledai.

Atau mungkin ini cuma drama awal tahun yang nggak begitu penting tapi dibesar-besarkan atas dasar supaya 2018 punya rasa saja. Nggak penting untuk diomongin juga, but I just want to throw the statement out there to let it sink into my mind. Kenapa ya, ganti tahun tidak terasa bedanya? Sama seperti ketika gue ulang tahun satu setengah bulan yang lalu. Gue masih bodoh dan bercokol di masalah yang sama seperti ketika sedang menjalani tugas akhir. Masih harus tertawa hambar diantara lelucuan yang tidak lucu. Masih harus menjadi gumpalan atom bersama ibu-ibu kereta. Masih mencari bahagia dalam melankoli yang berlarut-larut.

Tapi sebenarnya apa sih yang gue harapkan?

Mungkin gue berharap tiba-tiba gue bangun dari tidur delapan jam yang nyenyak dan gue tahu apa yang gue mau dari hidup gue. Kerja di agensi above the line? Bikin feature film pertama gue? Fasih bahasa roh? Menemukan obat untuk kanker? Ikut misi ekspedisi ke Mars? Punya kekuatan teleportasi?

Entahlah. 

Ngomong-ngomong, sureal juga ya rasanya nggak harus pergi ke kampus, masuk kelas, dan mengedukasi diri mengenai perfilman. Gue cukup rindu dengan atmosfir produktif yang gue lalui sepanjang empat tahun perguruan strata satu, dari begadang untuk mendadak membersihkan kamar kos karena tidak bisa tidur dan nonton film tengah malam bersama teman-teman, tidur di McDonald's dan Starbucks atas nama bikin tugas, sampai kenal sama mbak-mbak Indomaret dan Alfamart in the neighborhood saking seringnya datang untuk emergency snack run.

Kangen deh jadi warga Scientia. Tapi gue sekarang Orange Garden.

:-(

Ngomong-ngomong lagi, ternyata gue adalah pembohong karena pas bulan September 2017 gue bilang gue akan cerita tentang "my well-deserved holiday that I did my waiting for four years for" terus sudah Januari 2018 dan belum gue tulis juga. Mungkin di postingan setelah yang ini. Plis tungguin ya! Sebab gue senang sekali bisa pergi liburan dan kalian harus ikut bahagia sama gue.

Tapi untuk sekarang gue akan bikin daftar musik bulanan (yang juga dari judulnya saja artinya gue bohong juga karena sudah nggak gue update dari September 2017 juga) yang akan bertemakan Tahun Baru sebab gue ternyata seklise itu:

1. Dog Days Are Over • Florence + the Machine

2. Lihatlah Lebih Dekat • Jakarta Movement of Inspiration (OST. Petualangan Sherina)

3. Staying Alive • Bee Gees

4. Sober (맨정신) • BIGBANG

5. I Wanna Get Better • Bleachers
6. Young Volcanoes • Fall Out Boy
7. Blue Skies • Jamiroquai
8. Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 • John Mayer
9. Homesick • Peniel & Kairos
10. Matahari Pagi • Banda Neira

Sebagai positive vibes untuk menyambut kalender dan agenda yang baru. Untuk tahun ini pun, mari mencari kebahagiaan dan menebar kebaikan.

With love,

your foreign storyteller.

nonton film • Pengabdi Setan (2017)

Source: Joko Anwar's instagram (@jokoanwar)

Posternya yang ini saja soalnya Tara Basro so prettyyy! Daripada foto ibu, ya kan?

The horror film that has taken Indonesia like a raging storm! Sudah cukup lama nggak nonton film di bioskop, dan sekalinya pergi nonton gue sendirian, dan memutuskan untuk nonton film ini. Jujur saja, gue kurang suka nonton film horror; they rarely impress me karena bagi gue biasanya setannya atau kejadiannya nggak mirip. Film horror yang terakhir gue nonton adalah ~The Conjuring 2~, karena teman-teman gue pengen kepoin "film Valak" dan "scene Valak yang serem banget di lorong" dan akhirnya gue terbawa peer pressure untuk ngepoin film ini bersama.

Ya gue ketawa doang sih waktu itu. Mungkin gue yang rusak, tapi scene-nya tuh lucu dan gak believable buat gue? My friends and I ended up breaking the scenes down together in the darkness of the theater and whisper obscene things to each other.

But anyway! We are here to talk about ~Pengabdi Setan~ karya Joko Anwar. Senang melihat animo masyarakat yang besar untuk film-film Indonesia sekarang. Gue nonton film ini di weekday, early afternoon, dengan prasangka kalau teaternya bakal agak sepi, tapi ternyata yang nonton banyak juga. Ada yang bawa anak-anak segala, padahal rating-nya D17 kalau nggak salah. Tapi nggak ada adegan senonoh kayak di film horror jaman-jaman 2000an awal, kok. Mungkin rating-nya karena ada gore-nya sedikit ya. Atau karena... Masalah yang membangun latar belakang karakter hantunya?

Oke, gue akan bahas film ini sebisa mungkin dengan spoiler sesedikit mungkin, ya. Dan disclaimer: Gue belum pernah nonton film aslinya Pengabdi Setan (1980) jadi ini pure review film versi 2017-nya aja dan pendapat gue setelah nonton. Gue nggak ada pengetahuan sama sekali dengan film aslinya dan plotnya dan seberapa bedanya versi 2017 ini dengan versi 1980.

(BTW denger-denger yang versi 1980 jadi cult film di Asia. Cari bioskop alternatif yang screening ah!)

Sekeluarnya gue dari bioskop waktu itu, gue sempat nge-post kesan gue tentang film Pengabdi Setan ini di Twitter:

I feel like it is really well-made. The setting is conveniently haunting, the textbook jump scares work like wonder, everyone in the theater is scared and bracing for the scary parts, it was pretty intense. Tapi yang paling gue suka adalah dinamika ceritanya yang gak melulu setan-setanan. Dialog antara cast anak-anaknya sih terutama menurut gue membantu bikin film ini jadi kayak roller-coaster, ngatur tensi supaya penonton gak tegang, terus pas semua caught off guard, scene yang seremnya dimasukin. Yang paling epic sih yang minta ditemenin pipis malam, soalnya scene lanjutannya pas gitu, kerennn parahhh! Tapi dialog favorit gue sih yang tentang micin, karena candaan itu cukup terkenal di kalangan anak muda sekarang. Long live micin jokes!

Tapi highlight dari film horror adalah bagian yang seram-seram. My favorite one is the "Loh, ibu sudah bisa bangun?" (yang jadi meme-meme lucu di Twitter, pinter banget deh promosiin filmnya) scene, karena cuma scene itu yang bikin gue bener-bener kaget. Sound-nya tahik banget dan camera movement-nya sangat pas. Diulang pula, jadi serunya dua kali. He. Scene impresif yang kedua menurut gue yang "kain putih dan pigura foto ibu". Keren deh efeknya, gimana cara bikinnya ya? Dulu gue sempat jadi kru film Tugas Akhir kakak kelas yang genre-nya horror juga, dan kita sempat mau bikin scene yang sama, tapi gagal. Di bagian ini editing beat-nya pas banget deh, gue suka! Di atas gue sempat bilang textbook jump scares, itu lebih ke arah beat-nya sih. Ketukannya pas gitu seperti yang dulu sempat gue research ketika mau coba bikin film pendek genre horror juga sama teman-teman buat tugas kampus.

Nah tapi beberapa scene seram lainnya kok kayak miss gitu ya beat-nya? Ada momen di mana gue sampai greget sendiri karena ganti gambarnya kurang cepat sepersekian detik sehingga suspense yang sudah gue rasain jadi agak turun sedikit, khususnya di scene "Toni, radio, dan sisirin rambut ibu" dan scene "Rini, mukena, dan cilukba". Padahal build-up-nya sudah asyik banget.

(Heh, penjelasan adegan macam apa barusan.)

So, other than the "ibu sudah bisa" scene, the rest of the film is actually not that scary for me. Jatohnya sih beberapa lucu absurd gitu entah kenapa, bikin nahan ketawa di bioskop karena banyak yang ketakutan. Setting-nya sangat membantu sih sebenarnya di rumah tua remang-remang sebelah kuburan, ada sumurnya pula, sehingga memang mendukung untuk menjadi lokasi cerita hantu-hantuan. Sama desain karakter hantunya juga oke. Klasik dan familiar untuk orang Indonesia, jadi mungkin terasa lebih menghantui. Gimmick-gimmick Suzanna gitu. Tapi yang tertahik adalah sound design-nya sih. Ganggu banget ih parah dah! Nggak ada apa-apa secara visual tapi audio-nya tegang. DAN LAGUNYA SI IBU ITU. Bagus! Banget!

Sama jeritannya Bondi sih melengking banget bikin kaget.

Oiya, filmnya warnanya bagus deh. Agak-agak desaturated gitu. Apa lebih enak disebut remang-remang ya? Soalnya kadang gelap-gelap gitu juga sih gak kelihatan. Tapi gue suka deh color palette-nya, kayak ada pattern warnanya gitu yang ke-notice. Biru, merah, kuning, sama putih? Mungkin ini semacam semiotik buat plot ya? Kayak Rosemary's Baby (1968)? Soalnya pattern warnanya paling keliatan di warna baju. Tapi jujur sampai di akhir film gue nggak nangkap artinya sih. Atau hanya desain palette warna dasar? Tapi bagus lah pokoknya!

Source: Tara Basro's instagram (@tarabasro)

Bukan scene dari film-nya, but I am quite sure that's one of their costumes, hahaha.

Ya kira-kira vibe-nya seperti foto itu, sih? Apa ngga? Apa gue amnesia selektif karena ibu sudah bisa bangun?

:p

Ehem. Oke, pembahasan terakhir gue adalah storyline-nya. Jujur, dengan audiovisual yang menurut gue cukup luar biasa, entah kenapa ceritanya justru agak mengecewakan buat gue. Apa karena ceritanya dipersiapkan untuk memiliki sekuel? Gue merasa ceritanya banyak bolongnya dan plot twist-nya tuh malah kayak? Hah??? Gitu. Paham gak, hehe.

Dari awal tuh berasanya prolog-nya panjang, stretchy tapi kurang jelas gitu. Mungkin karena karakter yang mau diperkenalkan banyak juga, sih. Ya ada empat bersaudara, ibunya, bapaknya, neneknya,  dan ada tambahan bapak ustadz beserta anaknya bapak ustadz. Ramai sekali, meskipun semua karakter punya fungsinya masing-masing tapi kayak ada yang penting gak penting dan berujung pada unnecessary deaths gitu? Dan btw, plot-nya bisa di-breakdown pakai myth structure! Gue baru sadar pas tiba-tiba plot twist sih, yang gue sudah pikir oh oke sudah mau tamat, tapi nggak jadi gitu dan malah shit happens. Padahal gue sudah benar-benar pikir bakal selesai soalnya filmnya rasanya sudah panjanggg sekaliii lebih panjang dari rangkaian KRL dua belas gerbong.

Ceritanya jadi membingungkan buat gue karena seperti ada sub-plot yang nyempil-nyempil, kayak Rini dan anak pak ustadz, bapak tua reporter majalah Maya, omongan bapak dan ibu di penghujung usia ibu yang nggak ke-reveal di filmnya padahal ditanya, Bondi yang mendadak emo sejak dihantui tapi mendadak normal tanpa konklusi, dan lain-lain deh. Plot twist-nya juga bukan ngagetin tapi malah bikin bingung karena the turn is too abrupt? But again, maybe all of this is a grand build-up for a sequel? Who knows? Because I sure don't. Yang gue tahu sih, saking detailed-nya cerita filmnya, gue malah jadi merasa detached dan nggak terhantui gitu. Jadi sekadar simpati saja sama keluarga itu kenapa tragis banget ya hidupnya. Mungkin harus nonton di teater 4DX agar terasa seperti menjadi Toni.

Verdict: ★★★★

Sempat baca postingan sutradaranya, Joko Anwar, di Instagram yang chat ke temannya, katanya Pengabdi Setan (2017) tidak seram dan lebih ke drama. Mungkin itu cuma omongan buat ngebujuk temannya, tapi gue setuju, sih. HAHA. Tapi buat gue filmnya recommended sih! Wajib nonton! If not for the thrill, supaya gaul saja karena yang nonton banyak banget sudah 2 juta lebih. Yakin mau ketinggalan jaman dan nggak ngerti meme ibu sudah bisa? Filmnya bagus kok, suer! Semua review yang gue tulis di atas itu subjektif karena gue memang gak terlalu affected dengan hiburan berbau horror, jadi come and meet ibu yourself!

dora the explorer • from up my Studio Ghibli dream

TOTORO WAS IN TOWN!!

I was a little bummed when they announced about the ~World of Ghibli Exhibition in Jakarta~ because hot damn, the ticket price is not as affordable as I, a college student, can wish for. Also, I do not have too much Ghibli friends (or so I thought) and I do not want to be that awkward solo weirdo that's lurking around alone with huge overexcited smile and a camera. Thankfully, Kevin and Alvin, my school friends, came as my saving grace after an impromptu late night convo about buy one get one Kamikaze on Instagram.

Long story short, I sort of third-wheel them on their ~not date but death~ endeavor (´ε｀ )♡

(I'm kidding. Kevin asked me if I want to go.)

I do not really remember my first encounter with Studio Ghibli goodness, but I remember that となりのトトロ/My Neighbor Totoro is the one that got me in.

I think I watch it in grade school once? It was quite hazy but I am one of the younger kids in my big family and my brother and cousins are like... Old. And they taught me a lot about pop culture earlier than most of my same-aged friends, I guess? I mean, they let me play World of Warcraft on their computer and read their copies of Harry Potter. It also helped that my father is an IT guy so we have our own PC and internet earlier than most households. And any kids my age can testify that the telly used to broadcast a plethora of anime during our prime time television hours.

So yeah, pretty exposed to foreign popular culture there.

(Still can't get me hooked up into American comic books, though. That's for Jason. The most American entertainment I did enjoy growing up is probably Disney.)

Anyway, back to Ghibli.

I then encountered My Neighbor Totoro again in middle school, during an English test. I forgot what the test was about but the teacher lets us watch the film while waiting for our turn. I remember thinking, "Hey, I've seen this!" and then proceed to get sucked into the story of Kusakabe family and their fluffy neighbor. I like them a lot. The pictures are so pretty. Hence, praise the internet for the huge help, I delved into the awe-inspiring, beautiful, lovable world of Ghibli.

My favorite is of course My Neighbor Totoro. My family know, my friends know, even my bosses at my internship place know. The rest of the TOP 5 is probably Spirited Away, Kiki's Delivery Service, Howl's Moving Castle, and From Up On Poppy Hills. No Grave of the Fireflies because it makes me sad, although it got a special mention because it made everyone cry.

Alrighty! With all those boring recap of my history with Studio Ghibli and popular culture in general, let's now talk about the event! The whole ~World of Ghibli Exhibition in Jakarta~ thing actually started with monthly screening of Studio Ghibli films, which I was super excited about because I never saw any of these films on a big screen. I only managed to watch them once because it's on selected cinemas only and all of them are so far away from my house, but yeah, I saw Spirited Away with my friend sitting on my right and A FAMOUS INDONESIAN FILM DIRECTOR ON MY LEFT and I think she's a bit weirded out because I am too excited and smiley and fidgety.

But it's okay because it's dark.

She doesn't even know me.

Then the exhibition opened last month and the review was bad at first it made me worried and skeptical. But I am glad that we went to this exhibition because IT MADE MY DAY SO SO SO MUCH. I think it is the best day of my life. I mean, did you guys see that big and fluffy Totoro??? Well, they also have Nekobus (Eng: Cat Bus, also from My Neighbor Totoro franchise) that is as fluffy as Totoro and we can get in them! I feel like I completed an unknown, deep down from my heart bucket list item as soon as I stepped inside of them.

To explain it briefly: I was so happy that my chin can't lie about it. Also my eyes are just two lines from smiling too hard.

Contrary to the review by the masses, the exhibition is well-managed. There are a lot of staffs milling around ready to help you take photos or explain about stuffs. They can explain about Ghibli films too, for those people who tag along because their beau is going and do not actually know what's happening. It is a good decision to go on a weekday, because from what I saw on the internet (and this one Saturday when I visited Pacific Place Mall, the venue of the event) the crowd are quite crazy on the weekends. So, we happily zipped everywhere, took photos here and there, with little to no queue.

There's this one moment when I just can't get enough of the Totoro floofiness that Kevin teased me that I held the line so I just went, "I am sorry but I love Totoro too much, I apologize but I have to take selfies with them!" to a mom with her child (which were next in line) and she just went, "It's okay I understand we are the same! I want to take lots of photos with Totoro too!" and we low-key fangirl together and I helped them took photos.

I enjoy how well-made the exhibitions are. The Kiki's bakery is very detailed with real breads coated in resin, bottles of jams and sodas, and authentic props like old telephone, cashier, and scale. What got Kevin fascinated though, is the standing broom that he can't comprehend just because it is standing. He repeatedly asked why and how and stare at that broom questionably. He is weird sometimes, heheh. Same details was applied to The Kusakabe's house. I am awed by the way they created the beautifully designed organized mess of the father's office. Kevin's cousin, who's an architecture student, is a part of the team that work on this display, so shoutout to her! (≧∇≦)/

THE HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE IS AMAZING TOO! Super astonished by the details of this display. The intricate design was recreated nicely. It is one of the top notch display in the exhibitions, but I think the lack of background and additional knick-knacks sort of bring down the mood for this one. But I guess making the castle alone is a hard enough job, haha.

But I think their best and most well-made part of the exhibition is the Laputa: Castle in the Sky? It is at the very front part of the venue and they have so many things to display, from the flower robot to floating ships. A very grand welcome indeed, after I made my friends stay in the dark auditorium waiting for My Neighbor Totoro's trailer (which never come, although Kevin has already hummed through a lot of Joe Hisaishi's music). Just next to it is the Spirited Away display, which was almost as grand, but I think lack something. Or probably it is just me feeling salty because I didn't met Kaonashi.

There's more exhibition, like Princess Mononoke, Porco Rosso, Nausicaä, and what I think is Arriety? I didn't took too many pictures but Alvin did. I think she covered all of them, hahaha.

All in all, due to me liking Studio Ghibli works, I rate this exhibition 10/10!!

Me and my friends discussed a bit about this (mostly due to the ticket price versus us feeling really happy leaving the venue) and we thought that it is not for someone who doesn't like or familiar with Studio Ghibli. Like, there's no point in visiting if you're clueless. A bit different than like, in example, going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Studio Japan, which you can still enjoy even though you are not into Harry Potter (like my friend's sister who just tag along because she didn't want to explore alone but ended up enjoying the Harry Potter Experience anyway).

Our happiness level was off the chart, tho. And we did have fun catching up, so the day is a win for me!

---

Most pictures taken with Kevin's cellphone.

I think it was Samsung Galaxy S7.

uni-verse × music monthly • you got me feeling like a papillon

I am still alive!

A lot of things happened since my last post in January. I sort of aced (and probably also assed) my thesis defense. I fidgeted and smiled a lot, answered the questions like one of my professors taught (word by word quotation translated into English: "That's a very interesting question, but..."), and cried a little because I had a feelings vomit right after I stepped out of the door. Well, a short awkward waiting minutes later, the professors declared that I made it. I officially survived the biggest turbulence of my filmmaking career in undergraduate school setting.

And here's few obligatory after-thesis-defense pictures:

(This is a screenshot from my Instagram page so please pardon the awkward cropping.)

What comes after is a whirlwind of minor revisions, going around hunting for the professors' signatures of approval for my thesis, and finally, finally submitting the bound hard cover copy of that seventy something papers to uni administration. All that while simultaneously trying to score an internship somewhere.

Internship was fun!

The people are very, very nice. What was not nice, however, is the golden hours of commuting back and forth from the big mother city (hehe, this is what my friends and I used to call Jakarta) to the tiny humble suburb I grew up in. I cannot emphasize just how brutal it was, hahaha. I got lots of boobs in my face situation when I am sitting and limbs (mine) to boobs (some random short in height mbak-mbak) contact when I am standing. Sometimes I can't feel the ground and resigned to just floating around with the masses like one giant big blob of atoms.

It was nicer at night, since the people ain't too tight. I guess the crowd went home earlier than I did?

Long story short, I did my internship, curated and salvaged some random most often times chronological plus several crappy footages and made few videos I proudly dubbed my babies. In between, I also got some kind of pneumonia and appendicitis warning. I got away pretty much unscathed, tho.

This is the office I spent my three months in. I love the windows, the view was pretty great! Some might say it's a premium ~river view~ but well, you know how crappy Jakarta's rivers are. The sunsets are quite golden, tho. I am very thankful to everyone in this small company for having me and letting me messes around with their travel footages and website's narratives. Although we have some Monster problem that has yet to be solved, according to my supervisor. I guess it's an old building so they got pests; a hoard of jelly beans loving pests. Huh.

[Side note - PROMO CORNER] Do check out my #InternLife babies here: Featuring: Kostuba Travel ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू｡•ω•｡)

With my Final Project and Internship checked, I am finally (unofficially) done with my undergraduate gig! So now I am just being a dormant soul waiting for my official graduation certificate and ceremony like Rapunzel in her tower waiting for her life to begin. So, I guess what's next up in life is getting a proper job and all those adulthood things.

But! Before! That! I finally got a chance to go on legit holiday! (≧▽≦)

So the next time I write here, it'll most likely be about what I think is a well-deserved trip. I did my waiting!

Only four years of it, tho, with random day outs in between. Like that one time we went to the beach for final exam photoshoot, or a week in the middle of inhabited island shooting a short film, or hiking in the dark for yet to be used footages of fogs and sunrise, and let's not forget about planting some mangroves in an island far far away. Not that they weren't fun, it's just. I need a proper slow life time. Hehe.

So, I guess I'll wrap this post up with my monthly playlist (which I neglected for half a year, I'm sorry!):

1. 내일, 오늘 (Tomorrow, Today) • JJ Project

2. 1-800-273-8255 • Logic, Alessia Cara, Khalid 

3.  Thunder • Imagine Dragon
4. Well Done Again My Friend • DAY6 (OKDAL English Cover)
5. How Far I'll Go • Auli'i Cravalho (from Disney's Moana)
6. Papillon • Jackson Wang
7. No Way • YUGYEOM ft. G2 (Prod. Effn)
8. Carry On Wayward Son • Kansas
9. Kids • Two Door Cinema Club
10. IMMATURE • WINNER

I guess this pretty much sum up my concerns for the future to come and some reassurance and power songs to go through it. Hehe. Well, I am sorry in advance but there's various forms of GOT7 in that list (although none of them are as a whole group) because I enjoy their solos/unit a lot too. And it's quite a short list with 50:50 K-songs and Western because I think I either: 1) Listen to too much royalty free songs of various genres for videos during my internship that I lost my groove or 2) Marathoning too much videos on the internet that consisted too much of people talking so music is kinda secondary? IDK.

---
(Title taken from Jackson Wang's Papillon)

music monthly • look alive, sunshine!

New Year, New Me! Or, whatever.

I started the year feeling very lethargic, I don't even know what to do with myself. It doesn't make sense; I'm supposed to be a little bit happy and very nervous. The professors at school are currently deciding whether my group's final project and our thesis are acceptable for defense sessions. But like, I'm just so done because we basically spent last year working on our project and it's very tiring that I want to take a very long vacation as a retaliation.

But of course I wish really hard that our project that we spent so long doing (which includes early morning hiking, paranormal activities, loads of Chinatown visitations, countless meetings in the cramped space called our Producer's dorm room, and everything else) passed the judgement day so we can have our thesis defenses.

Feeling down makes me listen to a lot of songs in hope that it will heal me or cheer me up. Most of time, I ended up skipping everything until I find one that I can repeat endlessly. Overtime, I collected a playlist of "healing songs" - today I shall share them with you guys:

1. Utopian Dream • Pure Saturday

2. Pangeran Kesepian • Sweta Kartika

3. Na Na Na • My Chemical Romance

4. Adelaide Sky • Adithia Sofyan

5. 우산 (Umbrella) • EPIK HIGH

6. 컬러링 (COLOR RING) • WINNER
7. Sempurna • Andra and The Backbone
8. Anugerah Terindah Yang Pernah Kumiliki (+ Itu Aku) • Sheila on 7
9. The Hell Song • SUM41
10. Sahabat Kecil • Ipang Lazuardi
11. My Favorite Things • The Sound of Music
12. Numb • Linkin Park
13. Light It Up • OneRepublic
14. Starlight • Muse
15. How To Save A Life • The Fray
16. By My Side • David Choi

OK, maybe for something healing, several songs ended up being slightly hard. Aha. Sometimes we just need something we can shout along to, right? Or at least groove or bop with. I believe that it's the best way to release some repressed feelings. Hehe. <3

Anyway, I featured some Indonesian musicians in this list. Listening to the familiar language soothes me in a way. Nowadays, I can almost hold a proper convo in English without breaking a sweat; but the tongue I used ever since I'm able to talk will forever be dear to me. It is nice to listen to my mother language when I'm sad, because it invokes feelings prominently.

(Although I still can't speak it in casual setting without feeling awkward sometimes.)

I've been a fan of Sheila on 7 for the longest time; at least since I'm old enough to understand "grown-up" songs - so, late elementary school maybe? The band is very nostalgic to me because I used to cover their songs with my friends, and just randomly have sing-off sessions everywhere with everyone using their songs. It's very hard to decide which of their song that I want to feature in this list, actually :(

Okay I should stop before I babble too much. I hope that you can find that these songs are healing for you too. For this year, let's keep fighting! ۹(ÒہÓ)۶

• • •

(Title taken from the intro of Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance.)

film reel

A showreel of the films I made in college.

It made me feel bittersweet, making this. It's been almost four years since I decided to learn how to make a film properly; minus the foundation year, it's been almost three years since I started. It's been crazy, tiring, but very enjoyable.

Hopefully, you can find that the results are enjoyable too.

:)

top 5 • yes chick-flick moments

Honestly, I should be stressing out about finishing my final project report and preparing for thesis defense AND applying for an internship, but, you know, Christmas is upon us all and it's finally yule hols after a long semester (that actually feels really short, but was exhausting all the same) and I want to just relax and have good long sleeps because it's technically rainy season and rainy season is the best time to have a good long sleep.

You can say that "sleep is only for the weak" and I can comfortably admit that I am the weak, okay?

Also, when I'm not busy sleeping and relaxing, I ended up having lots of movie marathons. Technically, it's still related to my education and my future because I'm pursuing a degree in filmmaking, so, yeah, I don't feel too guilty about it. It's for, ahem, references, amirite? Well, I keep telling myself that but I'll still bless myself with strings of profanities near the deadlines when I'm not even halfway done with my shits, but whatever!

It's the season of feel-good movies, and I'll share my top five all-time favorites with you cheeky readers! My criteria of a feel-good movie is quite similar to my idea of a perfect crush: 1) beautiful (not necessarily visual), 2) good for my soul, 3) can be seen over and over without being sick of, and 4) yes chick-flick moments.

According to that criteria (but not entirely following that, because I'm an indecisive bastard) here's my top 5 beautiful-soulful-addicting-yes chick-flick moments movies:

1. Ten Inch Hero (2007)

This might be inappropriate for the season because of the summer vibe and the beach, but frankly, this is one of the most beautiful rom-com my heart has ever came into contact with. It came with a plethora of journey to self-love, a topic which I am quite fond of, and it comes with a happy ending, which makes me really happy, because it gives me the closure I need. Seriously, sad open ending is so overrated. (Although I do like sad open endings too, if it's what's best for the story).

Anyway, the format is kinda like omnibus, except the stories are linear and conjoined? There are several stories from each characters, all of which work in a sandwich shop together. Each character's archetypes are different, some of them are from the opposite of the spectrum, but somehow, each of them work like a puzzle. I like the dynamic between the characters, the wit, the backhanded affection, the conspiration theories, the cheesy dialogues that don't feel cheesy at all because they fit the characters, and I like the funny-looking Jensen Ackles (Yes, I like me the Jensen Ackles) with his character's sassy t-shirts.

Somehow, even though I don't own a sandwich shop near the beach, a blue-green mohawk plus a lot attitude, a daughter I gave up for adoption, a friend with benefit so in the closet he won't admit his feelings for his roommate, or a handsome internet boyfriend from LA I've never met, each character is quite relatable that I can sympathize with them. And in the end when all of them found their own true love, because it's what's this all about really, I can feel happy with them too. It feels good to see that everything do work out in the end. <3

PLUS:

• The setting. THE BEACH TOWN. I always like the look of a suburb near the beach. How hippie yet undeniable cozy and homey it is, the view of the beach from a cliff, the small sandwich shop, the night fair, the everything else. Lovely, just lovely.
• The diversity. It's just heartwarming. They are totally my #squadgoal. Teehee.
• The audiovisual is absolutely brilliant. The color, the sets and props, the soundtracks. Hell yes.

MINUS:

• It's really cheesy, I guess, in a totally worth-it cheesy kinda way. So obviously it's not that bad of a minus point, ok?
• Tadd and Brad are fucking assholes.

2. The Breakfast Club (1985)

"But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and a princess, and a criminal."

First of all, the film has nothing to do with breakfast. :( Up until now, I don't know why they're called The Breakfast Club. Maybe I missed some points of the movie somewhere around the crazy sneaking out and smoking weed scenes.

A classic, really. This movie sets the bar of expectation about high school real up there for me. Like, come on, they make a detention session looks really fun (also, suddenly deep and sad but let's not talk about that)! (Which, after I experienced high school myself, is really fake, sad face).

You might see the pattern of my preferences here, haha. Another movie with diverse characters with insecurities, all of which represent the high school cliques we all know and love. I adore their bubble of issues and how typical all of them are, because it's kind of relatable, especially when I was around the characters' age. There's a lot of expectation for us to conform to, you know what I mean? And we don't even know where those crappy expectations came? Like, why can't we just go through our teenage years smoothly and happily? Who defined the criteria for the title "social pariah"? And why, really?

Ahem. Back to the film:

Honestly, the synopsis in the poster just totally spoil everything. Huh.

PLUS:

• It's really fun! Everything is all over the place and it was happy but suddenly it turned serious but it's an emotional roller-coaster I love and needed.
• THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD! Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds is a great listen.

MINUS:

• The oh-so overrated (kinda) sad open ending with one of the main guy walking away into the bleak future ahead.

3. Flipped (2010)

One of the must watch for me and my close friends when we have a sleepover (other than The Notebook, which makes them cry horribly every time). There's something pure and innocent about this movie, even though the genre is actually rom-com. I mean like, the protagonists are teenagers and they talk about boyfriend-girlfriend things but it's so cute? And they have a lot of childish feuds and misunderstanding but in the end, I feel like the movie isn't really talking about love in a romantic kinda way.

I like the exploration of the triggers for the conflicts in the progression of the movie. Most of them are simple, like a tree and eggs and a stupid basket boy auction, but they have several punchline too, like bullying and mental illnesses and other stuff. I also like the way they narrate the story. It switches between the POVs of the male and female lead, but the transition is seamless. AND, the ending is so lovelyyy I can't help but coo at them every time.

This film just feel so good, right in my heart. <3

4. Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl (2015)

I stumbled upon this movie randomly when I am browsing in PopcornTime. The title intrigued me, so I decided to watch it, and I never regret any second of it. And I repeated, and repeated, and repeated, but I never regret any second of every single repeat of it. The story is crazy good. And the movie posters are really funny, you should look up for all of them, hahaha.

Actually, no. The main plot is really cliche, because I someone asked me for a logline, it'll be something along the line of this: "A broody high school social butterfly (and I use the term loosely) teen got his life topsy-turvied because of a terminally ill, jaded, high school teenage girl." OKAY, but that lousy logline DOES NOT give this film any justice. This film is really, really, really beautiful in a witty, biting, charming, harrowing, heartbreaking, occasionally funny kind of way. My feelings just went ASDFGHJKL!? every time, hahaha.

Greg, the main character, feels so close to my heart. That fucking awkward bastard! He's annoying and tactless in an endearing kinda way, somehow. Thankfully, he has Earl, his so-called co-worker, who balances him, slaps the reality hard into his face, and redeems every social faux pas he made. And the dying girl, what can I say about her. Well, her name is Rachel, she has Leukimia, but no, she does not die.

Spoiler much? No, I swear it's not a spoiler. I am not sorry.

Last but not least, the audiovisual is off the chart! The filmmaking techniques are there. The script and dialogues, the soundtrack, the framing, the production design (so hella goals), and the editing is on point. They also combined a lot of techniques, like stop-motion and stuff. It is a gift for the eyes. I am so blessed. <3

PLUS:

• The abundance of classic films parodies. Much witty, very funny.
• THE FUCKING PLOT TWIST.

5. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

Total epic epicness, truly. I heard that it is adapted from a comic book, but I haven't read the comic book yet. The storyline is the epitome of crazy absurdity, but I enjoy everything. It does not really make sense, but not everything has to make sense, right?

The League of Evil Exes. Seven evil exes. What a ride. I think I laugh from the beginning to the end. It is very dazzling and witty and sometimes even the unexpected things are funny. I mean like, Scott is in a band called Sex Bob-Omb, and they have hilarious songs including "We Are Sex Bob-Omb" and "Garbage Truck" - they are funnier than Mudslide Crush from Lemonade Mouth. :")

(Also, Sex Bob-Omb is legit on Spotify, guys, haha.)

I think they managed to capture the essence of comic book storytelling really well? The visual effect is VERY GOOD! The format is kinda of similar to an RPG video game, with battles and fighting sequences and superpower techniques. It is very comical to watch. Everything is so eye-catching with bursts of raining rewards coins on top. The VFX also cover even the smallest details, like the first time they showed Wallace's place (where Scott live/crashes) and they give tiny bitty descriptions about the things in the room.

PLUS:

• "Bread makes you fat?"
• "I have to go pee due to boredom."
  
• "We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff."
• "He punched the highlights out of her hair!"
• And the list of funny/stupid quotes went on.

• • •

SO! It's the end of the top 5 list and ugh I got writer's block several time because I can't just express how I really feel about these films. I hope you can enjoy them as much as I do. Laterz! <3

oyayaya • 2

Dulu, cita-citaku jadi presiden.

Tapi mama bilang,
  "mana mungkin."

"Kamu kan
          perempuan
               Cina
                    nasrani pula."

Terus kenapa

kalau aku terlahir berdada tanpa lingga, dari keluarga keturunan minoritas,
dan memilih untuk berlindung di balik ketek Nabi yang berbeda dari mayoritas?

He he he he

ha ha ha

h h h.

Tapi kalau dipikir lagi
kayaknya aku tidak ada pantas-pantasnya jadi presiden.

OSIS dan BEM tidak pernah mampir. Kuliah saja sering mangkir.
Sukanya cuma mencibir mahasiswa eksekutif yang boleh alfa tapi dianggap masuk
demi pasang wajah di kepentingan kampus yang kurang penting.

Pokoknya,                                            Supaya,
      kuliah supaya jadi sarjana.                  gaji di atas tiga juta.

Soalnya dunia ini jahat sama orang miskin.
Antagonisnya,
lebih-lebih dari ibu tiri Cinderella.

Makanya aku mau jadi sarjana.
Katanya itu salah satu syarat supaya bisa kaya.

Entahlah.

oyayaya • 1

Dia bilang, dia cinta kamu,

sampai-sampai nggak bisa hidup tanpa kamu.

Itu empat tahun yang lalu.

Tiga tahun yang lalu, kalian putus.

Terus?

Ya, nggak ada terusannya.

Kan kalian putus.

          Aku yang cuma narator

               (yang serba tidak tahu)

                    bisa apa?

Kadang kupikir,

kalian bisa bersama selama-lamanya.

Soalnya dia sudah membayangkan hidupnya sama kamu,

tapi mungkin kamu tidak.

Tidak tahu seberapa sering dia memikirkan rumah masa depan kalian,

minimalis seperti kesukaan keluarga muda masa kini,

pagarnya putih, temboknya merah muda.

Tidak tahu dia mau punya anak dua,

yang tua laki-laki, adiknya perempuan, dua-duanya mirip kamu,

ditambah seekor anjing gendut berkaki pendek seperti yang dimiliki Ratu Inggris.

Sudahlah.

          Aku yang cuma narator

               sebaiknya berhenti menginvestasikan perasaan

                    pada hal-hal kurang penting seperti hubungan fiktif kalian.

tulisannya • hobiku memang membual.

Ibarat penghujan,

aku adalah kubangan,

yang dibenci semua orang.

Ibarat kemarau,

suaraku sudah parau,

tapi masih hendak meracau.

Ah, ini semua cuma sandiwara,

dan bahkan lakonku tidak sempat bahagia.

Tapi tirai sudah jatuh,

menara terlanjur runtuh,

kita semua jenuh,

titik.

Tamat.

• • •

Wanita dalam foto bernama Veronica,

difoto tahun 2011.

music monthly • we’re all like children, blaming others for our pain

I'll turn 22 in less than a week. How daunting. I am childish arsehole still, that I can admit. How to adult, really? Physically, I can feel the old vibe creeping in, but mentally, I think I haven't grow any older since, like, proli, sixteen. Ugh. I don't want to be dubbed irresponsible forever. But for now, I'll just enjoy being not old. Because next year I'll graduate from uni, and it means that I have to be a proper adult.

Anyway. Enough of my unrelated rants, here's this month's music recommendation.

1. Ke Entah Berantah • Banda Neira

2. Shelter • Porter Robinson × Madeon

3. Make It Rain • Block B's BASTARZ

4. Jangan Takut Gelap • Tasya × Akhdiyat Duta Modjo

5. I'll Be Your Man • BTOB

6. Look Away • Crissi Cochrane

7. Uptown Angel • Olivia Grace

8. For The Rest of My Life • Third Day

9. Wasting Time • Day Wave

10. First World Problem • Unknown Mortal Orchestra

11. Bandaids, Pt. 2 • Common Souls 

12. Far Away • isle&fever

13. Tell Me What To Do • SHINee

And this list is made just because. Kbye.

• • •

(Title taken from Stupid Liar by BIGBANG.)

curhatnya • masa depan anti-peluru

Seandainya gue bisa berkata hal yang sama tentang masa depan gue. Betapa menyenangkannya, bukan begitu? Mengetahui bahwa masa depanmu ada di depan sana, aman terjaga sampai waktunya lu untuk mencapainya. Sementara masa depan gue mengalami turbulensi karena taifun halilintar tepat di tengah-tengah Segitiga Bermuda, siap jatuh dan berputar dalam pusaran air tiada akhir hingga tenggelam ke dasar samudera.

Atau mungkin, kata-kata yang lebih tepat digunakan meskipun terdengar jorok: seperti tinja yang sedang di flush dari lubang toilet menuju endapan septic tank.

Wajar nggak sih,

mempertanyakan pilihan hidup lu,

ketika sudah hampir di ujung perjalanan?

Bukan berarti gue nggak suka. Tapi kadang-kadang terbesit sedikit penyesalan. Sedikit. Ketika sedang lelah-lelahnya, dan seluruh dunia terasa tidak kooperatif. Ketika lu harus tersenyum dan tertawa sumbang menanggapi lelucon orang-orang yang lu nggak suka. Ketika lu bertanya-tanya pada diri sendiri, kenapa, kenapa, kenapa.

Kenapa gue tidak cukup pintar untuk memilih pilihan yang benar?

Tapi di lain sisi, gue juga bertanya-tanya kenapa gue menganggap pilihan yang sekarang ini salah. Mungkin karena terlalu banyak tembok yang membatasi keinginan gue. Konflik-konflik kepentingan diantara beberapa kepala, drama-drama internal yang kalau dilihat kembali terasa nggak penting sama sekali.

Ah, norak sekali. Picisan.

Payah amat, sih. Kayaknya hidup jadi kucing seminggu enak juga.

• • •

Foto pertama difoto oleh Evelyn.

Eksperimen warna menggunakan film emulator oleh Jonas Wagner.

Terima kasih, selamat malam!

music monthly • it's been a hell of a week

No one ever told me that my last year of college will be this shitty. I mean, I am basically half-unemployed half-student, I spent a lot of hours doing unimportant things, and I can't even muster any diligence to do my final report until the very last minute. Not as bad as I was in like, sophomore year, no. This paper is actually the most important shit I gotta do in college so I'm not going to risk it like I risked every other subjects in the past three years of my uni gig. I wouldn't put my graduation in jeopardy, would I? Of course not. Absolutely.

Anyway, here's a playlist that basically sums up how I feel about senior year:

1. 하드캐리 (Hard Carry) • GOT7

2. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards • Tame Impala

3. Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 • John Mayer

4.  Victorious • Panic! At The Disco 

5. Blood • DAY6

6. Run Away • Royal Pirates

7. Night People • You Me At Six

8. Vagabond • Grizfolk

9. I Just Can't Wait To Be King • Lion King

10. I Will Follow You Into The Dark • Death Cab For Cutie

My K-Pop obsession continues with GOT7's newest album, Flight Log: Turbulence. Hard Carry is their title track, and I've been listening to it a lot for moral support through the making of my research paper. The entire album is great, tbh. DAY6 and Royal Pirates are also from the Hallyu realm. Both are rock bands and THEIR SONGS ARE SO GOOD DAYUM.

I Just Can't Wait To Be King is like a legit example of the convos between me and my professor about my paper. Aha. Most of these songs have hella relatable lyrics so I've been jamming and singing along to them to release some stress. Healthy mind is mandatory to face your last year of undergraduate program, after all. Senior year is hard :(

• • •

(Title taken from Night People by You Me At Six.)

production diary • tiap pagi menjelang, tiap taufan menyerang

I'm supposed to arrange my production book for tomorrow's review with the professor, but idk, I'm too lazy and the pics are not accurate (I'm contemplating on color-grading them myself but I think someone might be offended if I do so) and I'm just looking for a lot of reasons not to do that at the moment. What a bullshit.

Instead, I pieced together a lot of pictures from our production days from few weeks ago, because the trip was hella epic and a beautiful disaster at the same time. Thanks Eve (our BTS person) for capturing us and our topsy-turvy process!

The production days consisted of a total of five days spread around the end on July until mid-August probably? Many people think that it was glamorous because of the word "shooting/syuting" (which a lot of people has so much expectation in because they dream to be a celeb or something) but in reality, it's nothing really special, because, duh, we are just a bunch of film students trying to get through our final project, after all. What do you expect from that, really?

It rains quite a lot during the production days. If it's not a downpour, the sun is shining too merrily and it was too hazy and humid I almost lost my mind. The weather never hits the just right point, but I can't complain about it because it's not the worst thing that happened during those five days. HAHA.

For one thing, one of our required location is an effin' cemetery (also, it is like one of the certified haunted joint in Bogor, lol). We're supposed to wrap around noon, but due to navigation problems and conflict with the weather, the hours extended until dusk. Most of us are soaking wet, frantic hearts thumping to the news that apparently, one of our crews (and only him) heard paranormal whispers or something. It was the funniest! Everyone was like, running away so quick. A total contrast from earlier in the day when everyone slugged around like they have all the time in the world.

But there's so much smalls things that made me smile throughout this whole process. The food was good. We had a massive sleepover at our producer's house due to shooting schedule. It was fun, squeezing like fifteen people (more or less?) into a moderate-sized living room. Also, there's a kampung nearby from the house we chose as a location, and they decided to throw dangdutan and layar tancap at the same day as our production day.

We can't help but dance to the music, lol.

It's a nice break from arranging stuffs since noon and all those other things. HEHE. Please ignore our weirdness. Dancing is so our thing.

Anyway, we're at the post-production stage right now. Please wish us well and look upon us lovingly. Hopefully, the final short film will be done by December, then we'll have our thesis defense things next January! Please anticipate good things, teehee. For more production diary related stuff, visit our Instagram account (Eve also made several video highlights for you to see!)

(๑´ω`๑)

(Title taken from Sampai Jadi Debu by Banda Neira × Gardika Gigih)

music monthly • hajimemashite, ni hao, bonjour!

A playlist of songs I listen to a lot (and caught myself humming absent-mindedly to) from the first-half of September 2016. The list will most likely consisted of a few new and old k-pop/k-hiphop jams, some throwbacks melodies, even numbers from typical top 50 worldwide chart songs. idk. I've been in a lot of hazy days as of late, so everything's all jumbled up.

（‐＾▽＾‐）(๑´ω`๑)

1. 몸 (Body) • MINO of WINNER

2. We Don't Talk Anymore • Charlie Puth × Selena Gomez

3. WHISTLE • BLACKPINK

4. Is that ramyeon? • AKMU (Akdong Musician)

5. Lagu Untuk Rani • Sweta Kartika

6. Baloney Speaker (tawagoto speaker) • sasanomaly

7. Corona • PUNCHNELLO × Crush

8. Selamat Pagi, Malam • Agustin Oendari

9. 누굴 위한 노래인가요 • SOUTH_CLUB (Nam Taehyun)
10. FULL HOUSE • MOBB (Mino × Bobby)
11. Jet Lag • Simple Plan × Marie-Mai

12. Scene Five - With Ears To See and Eyes To Hear • Sleeping With Sirens
13. I'm Not Your Toy • La Roux
14. Rahasia Hati • NIDJI
15. Heart's a Legend • Zoo Brazil × Philip
16. Hujan di Mimpi • Banda Neira

I've been obsessing over 몸 ever since YG released it because it's just THAT good. I especially like when Mino sang the line "Talkin’ about your 머리부터 발끝까지 OH // I’m talkin’ about your 몸 // Talkin’ about your everything // 근데 넌 어딨어?" idk why ugh just. His voice is so pretty. (灬º 艸º灬)

As you may see, there are several songs titled in Bahasa Indonesia. Yes, the songs are from Indonesia and the lyrics are in Bahasa. Those songs are songs that I held quite dear in my heart. Please give them some love! Teehee. Also, the M/V for Baloney Speaker is very eye-catching and cute and overall good-looking. Do you know that sasanomaly also released the song in different languages? All of them sound beautiful!

•  •  •

(Title taken from FULL HOUSE by MOBB.)